As creative people, it can feel like we are constantly swimming against the tide; creating our art to satisfy that creative itch. As with any creativity, how each creative goes about their creativity is different. For example, some people are full-time writers, some people are part-time writers — and some people can only write in pockets of time throughout their day. Some can only work on their projects on the weekend. However, something we have in common is the fact that friends, family, and loved ones, most likely do not understand the process. And why would they? It is not something they have ever needed to consider. That said, there are things that people can do to support us in our creativity, even if they don't understand it. Just because they don't understand it, it does not mean to say that it is not a valid thing to be doing. It goes back to the analogy that is often batted about in the writing community: non-writers assuming that a manuscript just appears on a writer’s lap one day, and then they decide to publish it — and with that, the published manuscript somehow lands itself in the window of a bookshop.
Now, in all areas of my life I have a very supportive support network (hence the name), so it particularly comes as a blow when situations crop up that indicate that said people are dismissive, or attempt to belittle, my need to write. Objectively, why would they understand? Unless they are creative themselves — or have written a book — they wouldn't understand what it means to us; the vulnerability, the dedication, the intelligence, thoughtfulness, the compassion, the resilience, that goes into creating a piece about to be consumed and interpreted by somebody else.
This is beginning to sound grandiose. I'm not saying that other people should bow to my every word because I'm an author. What I'm saying is, it gets really annoying when people are supportive of your work, but when it comes to actually needing to do the work to ensure that the ideas come to fruition, to something tangible, a ‘non-writer’ seems to look at us blankly. As though it's never occurred to them that — as romantic as a writer’s life looks — there are some times when we just have to sit down and get the words down. The 300,000 words you read the other month didn't just appear on the page. Weeks, if not months, of work goes into that. Whilst I sound like I am moaning, this is something that needs to be pointed out and discussed.
I love the creative process. I love the idea that, even when we have an initial idea, we never quite know where that idea is going to take us — and what the finished product will look like — and then eventually how it will be received by others.
So, what do we do when we feel like somebody doesn't understand the importance that the creative process holds for you?
My initial response is that — however much we try — somebody else may not understand the effort, time, and energy that has gone into creating something. Even if they are a writer themselves, they are not us as individuals. they do not have the exact awareness of your process. They can only go on their own experience and the finished product. What I mean to say is, expect and accept that people will not understand. Because, if we don't, we are wasting a lot of energy in trying to make somebody think a certain way. We can persuade, and show people different ways of thinking, but we can't physically make them change their mind. It has to come from them.
Once we have accepted that not everybody will understand the importance of creativity or your writing, then we can create that devoid; compartmentalise the idea that other people will understand it, and from there, we can keep pressing on with our creative endeavours. Essentially, if we give too much emotion and energy to the fact that somebody doesn't understand us, then that amount of energy is going out into ‘nothing’. So, by turning that energy towards ourselves, it is then energy that is going towards our better functioning, and being able to complete our creative projects. Ultimately, we have to be selfish, and decide what we spend our energy on (that is not selfish). As in, ‘other people don't understand my need for creativity, and therefore I'm going to do it anyway, because it is something for me.
Within that, there is a feeling that we have to prove ourselves
I'll start with the analogy of the starving artist. It's the idea that artists stereotypically forget themselves and basic necessities such as food and water, because they are devoted to their creativity — but ultimately, they don't have a level of success that allows them to thrive and survive in a way that they might do, for example, if they got a computer science degree, and went into the computing industry. To that effect, creative arts and creativity are seen — or more precisely, portrayed — as weak and increasingly pointless. But let me ask you this: without creativity, without perspective, without individual thought, how could we progress as a society? There is a lot more to imagination and creativity than ‘just simply’ painting and a canvas. It is also about the legacy behind that, and the impacts that it can have on individuals, and therefore society, as a whole.
Use that frustration
Despite the shock — and almost pain — from feeling blindsided by people I thought understood what writing means to me, part of me immediately wants to create something as a result of that emotion (like I'm doing now).
I would take advantage of those feelings of vulnerability, hurt, and shock, and and use them For example, my go-to is to sit and write a poem because — unlike a technical manual — poetry allows the writer to offer ‘flavourings’ of a perspective or feeling, which then the reader interprets in a way that they understand. In a sense, the writer and reader are on very much the same wavelength, but in a way that translates into each other’s way of thinking. For context, it's a bit like saying ‘use’ instead of ‘utilise’: they have roughly the same meaning, but can be used differently, depending on the context and severity of the sentence. If I wanted something to be succinct and registered quickly, then I would use ‘use’, because it is a common word that is more accessible.
Create smaller pieces as well as longer pieces
This is a bit of an abstract point, so I will allow you to take it however best suits your creative form. But in the case of writing, what I mean is — if you focus on a variety of short pieces of writing, such as poems or short stories, then I find from experience that I'm better able to inject my current experiences with something that will be published much later on down the line. Whereas, if I'm writing something like a novel, I can't just inject an expression of my current emotions, because it has to be in line with the character and overall plot. Whereas, a short story, for example, I feel is more malleable in terms of expressing one intense scene with quite turbulent emotions. And with poetry, there doesn't have to be any set rules or conventions, so I can send the poem in whatever direction I need to in order to convey a certain idea or feeling.
Also, having lots of different creative projects on the go keeps my mind ticking, and allows me to be flexible, in terms of what appeals in the moment. I have got three different poetry anthologies on the go at the minute. They are on completely different things, so if I'm getting bored of one on a Tuesday afternoon, on that same afternoon I can go to my next poetry anthology and make progress on that. Whether I'm feeling stuck or not, I'm still making progress on something, and that can boost my overall productivity. Working on the second or third project may reignite your interest in the first one later on. Having multiple projects in various states of completion will eventually mean that you produce more work — whether that be music, writing, painting. It is a great feeling, especially when people assume that you're not doing anything, and then you're able to produce X, Y, and Z, and just be like, ‘I did this when you thought I was doing nothing’. It's not a feeling of, ‘I proved you wrong,’ it's more ‘I did this, and you can't dispute it’.
Really zone in on why you do what you do and what it means to you
I say this because if you care about what your family and friends think, you are looking for external validation, to a greater or lesser degree. That is completely understandable; whenever we do something in life we need support, we need that reassurance as to whether we are doing the right thing. That said — have you ever considered that you may be able to give yourself that validation? What if you were to go for it, no matter what anybody else says? What if you were to succeed, and prove nay-sayers wrong. As we can see, working out why you do what you do is very important, because you need to be able to remind yourself of that when imposter syndrome hits, and you are questioning absolutely everything. Whilst you’re questioning absolutely everything, you need to be able to give yourself an answer. For example, I write because I find it therapeutic; I get to process my past experiences, I get to process what I'm feeling in the present. All while helping other people. As well as that is the idea that — through my physical disabilities — generally society makes me feel lesser than everyone else by default — in whatever way. Writing is something that I can do to this same level as everyone else, if not better (as some may argue). if you know exactly why you do your creative endeavour, you will need less external validation. You are going to head for that goal. You are going to head for that reasoning. For example, I'm going to write because I am going to help people, I'm going to write because it is important to me — therefore, it is something that needs to be done. Another thing to consider is the fact that creativity tends to be an intrinsic part of a person’s life, so in my case, writing is a large part of my life, and therefore governs how I live said life. I consider writing a lifestyle. People who do not have the same lifestyle are not going to understand why or how I live my life. To give you a very current example — it is sunny in the UK right now, and with that comes the assumption that we're all going to be outside enjoying the sun. Which is true for the most part, but I'm not going to be lying on the beach or lying in the garden and getting a tan. I'm going to be sitting in the garden, on my laptop or phone, dictating my latest bit of writing.
I'm still enjoying the sun, but I'm doing what's important for me. Some days, I might not even go out because the sun is too intense, and to be honest, my writing is more important to me than going out into the sun and obeying this kind of social rule that when it's sunny we must indulge in it. Frankly, I prefer cold weather, because if it's too cold, we can get warm, but if it's too hot, we can't get cold.
It will take time to get used to those grand sacrifices that need to be made, but once you yourself get used to them, then those around you will get used to them also. If I were to be cynical, if we really enjoy writing and those around us don't like it, then we can take sanctuary in our writing time. Look forward to the writing time, whenever and if, there is a conflict in regards to whether you should be spending time on your creativity. For me, a lot of the joy of writing comes from the routine and expectation of writing. And the fact that every day I come back to my writing and it is still there. Every day, I'm making progress in some form, and eventually I will come out with a finished product. That is what motivates me: my hard work will result in a physical product that I can be proud of — regardless of considering whether anybody else is. Again this might sound selfish, but it is a thought process. There is no need to make a song and dance about it. It is more of a thought to take note of and acknowledge within yourself, and then put it inside, until you need to reinforce your boundaries with yourself and others.
It could just be that they do not understand what you need from them
Let's be generous for a second, and assume that the people you are thinking of in your life do actually want to support your writing, but don't know how to go about that. I would suggest that it is best to lay down your boundaries. So, for example, do you need to swap your TV time for writing time? Depending on your personal circumstances, there may be a range of boundaries that need to be put in place. These are factors to consider, as you probably already know, but they are harder to consider when family members and other commitments question that, and wonder why you are putting ‘such a frugal pursuit’ ahead of spending time elsewhere. In this case, I would suggest explaining that you need to spend ‘X’ amount of time on your work each day, If they know that, then both parties can make allowances and make other arrangements to ensure you get the same level of time together. In my experience, a lot of the conflict around my creative pursuits is that people can get defensive when I say I need time to do ‘X’, ‘Y’, and ‘Z’.
Overall, what I'm saying is that, if your creative pursuit is important enough to you, you have to be selfish to a certain degree and put those boundaries in place, such as stating you need such and such amount of time to spend on your creativity each week. You do not need as much external validation from others — if at all — if your why, and why you do something, is concrete. If you are aware of that, you can circle back to it every time you are doubting yourself. Creativity is an important part of being human. Creativity is an important part of society, and therefore it is a must. Keeping this discussion in mind will allow your creativity to run free. Allow yourself to enjoy yourself, I urge you.
I could have written this haha spot on!