This is quite an open-ended question, so…
I write this blog in the hope that it will prompt you to — within your own circumstances — consider how much a certain aspect of your life almost takes over to become your life entirely. That isn't to say that it's bad thing, it's just when we look away from what becomes our main focus for a long period of time (for me, this is writing, if you couldn’t tell), and realise there is so much of life that we've potentially neglected or not a fully comprehended (this is mostly a social life, for me. That, and getting used to the fact that my desk is a mess 99% of the time). As a result, it can be quite overwhelming.
I am an author, I am a public speaker — amongst other things — but say I no longer considered myself a writer, that I no longer wanted to publish books, what and who would I be? I don't feel I would ever consider myself not to be a writer, because writing is definitely a lifelong passion, journey, experiment.
Nonetheless — the question still stands…
In all honesty I don't have a concrete answer for this; I've been mulling it over for the last few months, and I would say that I am somewhat closer to figuring out who I am besides my writing. It is important to note that I started writing this blog post quite a few months ago, then I had to leave it; let it fester, because I hadn't properly processed my thoughts, and the idea that I didn't have a clue who I was besides writing was really starting to get me down — so I thought the best thing to do would be to sit down, and focus on myself for a bit, and figure out what I do and don't like (all the basics). Then working my way up from there.
As you may have guessed by now, writing has become a large part of my life — since having a ‘bit’ of a mental breakdown a good few years ago now — and that has only increased with each book and blog post that I have published.
I have my heart set on writing, because I need to write, it is important to write, and what I write is important for others — not only in terms of the literal content of my writing, but also because of the insight and comfort that it can bring people. I am very honest about my feelings and, in a society where we are expected to have this facade of happiness all the time, it is great when somebody speaks the truth (not to blow my own trumpet too much!). In a world that is becoming more and more artificial, it is important to keep in touch with our emotions. After all, emotions are a large part of what makes us human.
Writing has only enhanced a dogged determination I have always had. As well as this, a tunnel vision to write. I am dedicated to my craft. I know there is more to life, but there is little more satisfying.
I am very kind, hard working, and committed person — I want the best for people (as well as myself, now). I am one of those people who puts others before themselves.
This is going sound selfish in itself: I love helping other people because it brings me a feeling of purpose, and I like seeing other people succeed. I love watching that moment when other people overcome their own obstacles. This is why I work in Education and Academia; if you didn't want to support people and see them improve, why would you bother? That's a question we could pose about anything: if you don't have a certain affinity with something, then why would you bother?
My generation…
I have said this a few times on social media, and referenced it a few times in my blog posts, but I feel like I don't fit into this generation. This is because I appreciate literature, I appreciate art, I appreciate deeper connection, deeper meaning — which is something I feel is getting lost.
Everything seems to be — to put it bluntly — about drink, drugs, and sex. I do not have the right to tell people how to live their lives. It is, after all, their life; they are welcome to do what they feel is best for them. I am not, however, condoning the use of drugs. Drugs are extremely dangerous and temperamental. Drugs are really not my thing, and never will be. Though I can more appreciate the idea of drink and sex because, done in the right way, they can bring people together (literally and metaphorically). I deeply appreciate the intimacy and connection that it presents.
I care about literature so much, and can see its value to children's and young adult's development — as well as developing their perspectives of the world. But other people my age seem to want everything right now, and with the least amount of effort. There's nothing inherently wrong with that, it's just I feel there's such a deeper meaning to life when we really think outside the box, and share opinions considerately, and cultivate them.
I would quite happily spend my Saturday night writing and reading (sad, I know). I would consider that a night well spent. That doesn't mean to say that I don't value spending time with friends and family, of course I do, it's just that writing and reading feels like it's enriching my soul in a different way. Whereas I find socialising quite anxiety-provoking, and therefore exhausting. Though, by the end, I do see the benefit of it, and I do enjoy what socialisation I do have. I suppose he doesn't really help that, being a writer, I get used to being solitary.
Purpose is ever-evolving…
I do feel it is partly my duty to educate people on the value of Literature, Creativity, and the Arts. I understand that they are not everybody's thing — and that not everybody will appreciate it. I sense a lot of this feeling comes from the fact that people don't realise what the Arts are, and what value they have to the artists, and the people who have received their work. For example, if I was to look at a particularly beautiful painting that really ‘spoke to me’, it would feel nourishing on a spiritual level. That is the same with the piece of writing: if it is particularly cathartic for me to write or read, it is a wonderful feeling — almost like my brain is being itched (the irony is not lost on me, I’m not tone-deaf: people have priorities that change, especially with the Cost of Living Crisis).
Because I'm into that deeper level of thought, I'm also open to discussions, conversations, and debates about different aspects of life — whether that be anything from politics, to ‘why is the sky blue?’. But I feel increasingly that we are getting to the point where the people who shout the loudest, their opinion becomes fact. As though there are black and white answers to everything. There are two (or more) sides to every story, and there are some grey areas. There are many different philosophies and ideologies that overlap, and that's where appreciating other opinions becomes invaluable because — you can take what you know, and form your own opinion. I'm willing to take the time to do that, whereas I feel that, again, people often just want the quickest answer, the easiest way possible. Having said that, it doesn't help that society feels like it's getting faster and faster — so we're having to keep up, and there is this scramble to the top of the pile, so to speak. So we haven't got that same instinct to sit and reflect which can be so valuable in reaching our experience of life.
Amongst the deep thought and reflection, I like to set myself in particular direction, and then see where things take me — so, in other words, I have a general idea of where I would like to be and how I would like to get there, but I'm allowing for enough ‘wiggle room’ should something not go as I expect. It is also keeping my options open so that I don't miss an opportunity.
At the root of writing is the idea of communicating and sharing ideas, which I am also doing through the beginning of my career as a teacher and lecturer. I am utilising my passions and splitting off to various branches, as it were, and seeing what works for me. That way, I've got my academic work, I've got my writing, and I've got my teaching. Fundamentally, these are entwined but they are in themselves very different. It is all part of working towards what I believe in, and what brings me joy (thanks, Shalini). Without reflection and time to relax, it is impossible to realise how far we have come.
Making people laugh…
I love making people laugh (whether I do a good job with that or not, I will let you decide). There is a beauty in laughing: it is a moment in time where everything else in the world is put aside, and we just get to feel human; enjoy the thoughts, feelings, and emotions of others. Laughing reduces stress and creates connection. Again, you can see how connection is such a fundamental aspect of my life, and why I feel I don't fit in with this generation.
Now, I have learnt to recognise the value in all that I achieve, I also consider myself very compassionate and humble. I recognise there are always going to be people who are ‘better’ than me at something; there are always going to be people one step, or several steps, ahead of me. There is always something new to learn, and that does not make me, or anyone else, a failure. Life is a journey to be experienced. It is hard to value life when it is something we haven't necessarily gone without, but things such as literature, art, and spirituality, allow us to explore things beyond our own experience of being human. I do not consider myself better than others, I merely understand that we're all on our different timelines, we all have different goals in life, and we all have different circumstances. The best that we can do is hope for the best and work towards what makes this happy and fulfils us.
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