Some Thoughts on Finishing my Degree

I'm actually writing this blog post at a point where I am struggling with the thought of either reading or writing, because I've done it for so long to an academic standard and that has suddenly stopped. I feel like this blog post — however hard it may be to write — may be the stepping stone to disconnecting myself from the academic sense of writing, and allowing myself to enjoy it as I have done. And then, eventually, beginning to enjoy creative writing again. It’s not to say that I don't enjoy creative writing — I always will — I am just exhausted. Finishing my degree has me drained. This is my first piece of writing since

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I am still finding my feet. I finished my English literature degree at 9pm on a Tuesday evening.  I handed in my last piece of work. It all ends very quickly; three years of work and — with just a single tap — you click the submission button. The dreaded wheel of doom appears, and everything is done. Nothing else to do — just like that. That's not to say that there is nothing to do, because I have a day job, and there is always something to be done in life in general. It has been such a large part of my life for the last three years, so there is going to be a certain amount of adjustment.

I don't think I have processed it yet. I have so much free time that, inevitably, I will fill with something else (because I can't be enjoying myself too much!). In hindsight, I had become so used to the routine of reading an assignment brief, reading, researching, writing then editing the essay — and researching for the next one. 

Initially, finishing my degree was very easy. there wasn't really a sense of pride — more relief that it had finished. Then I started to realize that, yes, I have actually finished my degree. It dawned on me that I'm in that period between finishing the degree itself, and finding out my classification. So, there is plenty to be proud of — but in my mind — there isn't anything really to show for it aside from the increasing exhaustion. Nobody tells you about the exhaustion.

I was aware, particularly in third year, that I was becoming increasingly exhausted, and the fact that I needed to take extended breaks in order to keep up with the pace of third year. However, I wasn't ready for the way it was going to hit me like a brick wall when I finished.

I feel, for the first few days, I was running on adrenaline. Then, two days later, it dawned on me how much effort and energy I had been putting into everything, every day. Suddenly, there is a large part of my life that is not there anymore. To have that displaced has taken a lot out of me. I have never felt so physically and mentally drained. I feel exhausted on a cellular level. 

It's not to say that I'm not proud of myself — of what I've achieved — because I have been able to work full-time and study full time at the same time; completing a degree of any kind is an achievement. I know that, objectively, it just hasn't processed or sunk in. It made me reflect and realise the fact that I didn't intentionally do a degree. It was more of an . amalgamation of different life circumstances that meant that I started doing the degree out of necessity, and it is something that I have intensely enjoyed. So, you could say that my degree goes to show how you never know which direction your life is going to go. This not only highlights to me the fact that we cannot rely solely on having achieved a degree, but also how we use the degree. 

I say this because I do get the impression from some people they believe that an English Literature degrees pointless because it is a degree in reading and writing — and if you can read and write, why would you need to do in any more depth? And then comes along the questions of “are you going to become a teacher, are you going to do any further education?” I agree, it's not typically the type of degree that's going to automatically and directly land you a job in the same way that — from my understanding — something like computer science may lead to a specific job. However, it goes back to how you use the degree. Having a degree shows that you can study to a certain level, and the type of degree highlights the area of specific skill. For example, (not quite yet) having an English Literature degree indicates you can write well (whether that is shown in this blog post, I'll let you decide), you can communicate, and analyse information. These are all transferable skills in any and all situations.

As well as getting the qualification, there is also something to be said for enjoying it. After all, we are paying a lot to actually do the degree, so why not enjoy it? I get the impression that some people believe that having a degree automatically means that you're going to get a good or “better” job. At the same time, I get the impression some people believe that they should do a specific degree, despite it being something they don't necessarily enjoy, because it looks better. I would argue that if you enjoy the degree that you do, then to whatever extent it will meld itself to who you are as a person and what you're doing in life. Therefore, it intuitively becomes useful, whether or not you use it directly or indirectly for a job. For example, if I were to become a teacher, I would be using my English Literature degree directly, however, I can use my English Literature degree indirectly through my levels of communication and interpersonality.

I mentioned earlier that, on finishing my degree, I felt a quiet sense of relief. As I come further away from completing my degree, I do get flashes of gratitude and excitement towards myself for what I have achieved. To be honest, that is something that I am allowing myself to feel, rather than feeling as though I need to move on to the next thing as soon as possible. That said, the main focus of the next few weeks and months is simply working and doing things that fill the cup — rather than empty it. I need to recharge. That is the most important thing right now; acknowledge the efforts the energy and the resilience I have pumped into finishing this degree.