I have made it through the first year of university, so therefore I should be feeling quite confident about going into my second year of university. That's logical, but not necessarily true. Emotions, thoughts and feeling are only a natural part of beung human.
I believe I am feeling as prepared as I can do, without actually being in the process of doing it, but there is a lingering doubt. Every assignment now counts towards my final grade. The expectation in terms of the quality of my work will increase — will I meet those criteria? Am I actually doing my best, or just kidding myself into thinking that?
There are always lingering doubts, and I suppose it's a good sign in the sense that I care. I have actually made it through my first year, and that means something in itself. Hopefully it is a sign of things to come, and my development over the next two years. There is also this sense of pressure that I put on myself that — as I'm coming into second year — I must automatically know how to do something that much better. When, actually, it is just a milestone of marking my progress towards achieving a degree. It is not necessarily representative of my own personal development (although I would like to say that it's somewhat of a marker in itself). The increase in workload is a consideration, because I know that I will manage it, it is a matter of being able to separate and organise everything within my head. So, in other words, not putting too much pressure on myself to do too much at any one time — which is something that I am consciously trying to develop. I do find, generally, that is a character flaw of mine. It is still part of who I am, nontheless.
I do pride myself on being able to organise when and how I'm going to do something. So if I had an essay due, but I realise that I only have a few set hours I'm able to dedicate towards the essay, I'm able to utilise my time effectively within that time. So although I may have two weeks to do the assignment, it is not going to take two weeks (every minute of), to complete it. I hope that makes sense? Keeping this in mind, it reduces the overall stress and overwhelm of both wanting to complete something — but also wanting to complete everything to the best of my ability despite everything else that I have going on.
Although my assignments this year and next will count towards my overall grade — whereas they didn't last year — I am going to just try my best. After all, that's all I've ever done, and that's all I can do. It just so happens the hard work that I put in this year will actually count towards something. Having said that, it does not mean that working hard in first year is completely pointless, because it helps you develop as an academic writer, your analysis, and research skills. These only compound as the modules and years progress.
At the end of the day, there is an element of having to just let things go, and see how things go. There is only so much that anyone can plan for anything — and as I've said — my first year has gone well, so there is no reason to think that the next two years will not.
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