The pandemic is not going anywhere fast, and apart from all that we are not allowed to do, the thing that is really getting to me is the idea that we can’t see our friends (and family), as much as we’d all like to. With the pandemic I think there’s the assumption that you’re available every hour of the day. The irony here being that as society slows down, time speeds ahead at an unforgiving pace.
I have touched on friendships in a post a few months (months, already), ago – which you can read in my recent posts. I thought I would expand on the topic, though, because it’s good to remind ourselves of the small but significant things we can do for others. I find it gives you a sense of purpose and belonging in a time that feels like a never-ending waiting game.
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Subtly Checking-in with your Friends
One thing I have noticed throughout this is how much a simple message or text can mean, despite it being artificial on face value. Because before you know it, your world seems to be getting smaller and smaller – it helps in putting ‘the outside world’ (spooky) into perspective.
A person you know has taken the time to think of you, and then set aside the time to check in on you. If that isn’t a sign of a strong bond or friendship, I don’t know what is.
Check-in with Yourself
Another way is to actually check in with yourself. If you are having a good mental health day, hour or minute, that will show on the outside; whether that be through a smile, or being in a more conversational mood. How can you be expected to be the best version of yourself if you can’t even be kind to yourself?
But like almost everything, being kind to yourself is a skill to be understood, then learnt. I myself personally would say that I have learnt how to be kind to myself and what works best for me, but then when I do have those days where I feel like I can’t do anything properly (believe me, I am no saint), I do struggle to bring myself round until near enough the next day. But I do think it takes having these low states of mind to appreciate the highs and good things (which, in the case of this blog post, is the value of friendship). What about you?
You’ll find it easier to connect with other people if you can let go of pent up emotion, but that’s never as easy as it sounds. Because, in my opinion, if it were that easy there would be very little pent up emotion in the first place.
That’s just my opinion.
Try not to put Pressure on Yourself
Again, as hard as that sounds, what good is that going to do you (or me)? When I’m putting pressure on myself, my brain has the tendency to tell me that it’s a way of keeping myself motivated and on track. Which is true. For the most part. But surely there comes a point where you are disciplined enough, that the work gets done without you beating yourself up in the process? Too much pressure on yourself can be counterintuitive – and that’s without talking about the external pressures.
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Zoom Calls
Zoom calls aren’t everything. They aren’t the difference between having a friendship and not. You will still remain friends as long as you are apart – that is if they are worth your time and energy.
In line with that is the idea that you actually get to discover who your true friends are. If they are worth their salt, they will check in on you. Surely it’s better to have five really close friends, rather than 100 friends you barely stay in touch with. Are they really your friend if that is the case? You do have the time to reflect on who spend your time with. If we are generally spending less time with the people we care about, surely it’s best to spend time with people who are going to make that time enjoyable? It’s up to you, I am by no means telling you what to do, it is purely just something to think about.
It is a very daunting prospect, during the pandemic, to think that your friendships – visually – become very little more than a profile picture or text on a screen. This might be a quite controversial suggestion because it can go one of two ways, but I’ll put it out there, and you can decide on it for yourself. How about as you are texting them, picture and almost relive your favourite memory you have of them? This should be done carefully because that can cause you to end up in a nostalgic spiral, but it can also help remind you just how much that friendship means to you.
– D
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