It may surprise you to know that I often wish I wasn't an empath; at least not as empathetic as I am.
Empathy is a term that you may have heard, particularly now that mental health is at the forefront of people's minds, and therefore at the forefront of social discussion — but do you know what empathy actually is?
Empathy is the ability to — as the same goes — put yourself in somebody else's shoes. This is feeling someone's emotions as though they are yours; by extension a situation as though you are the one directly experiencing it.
The difference between introversion and extroversion is distinguished as to how and where a person recharges their energy reserves. In the case of an introvert, their alone time is vital to recharge. A social situation can drain their 'batteries', as it were, in a matter of seconds. From experience, it can feel often that we are running on empty to 'survive', and get through the situation or day. And then when we are in a 'safe' or lone environment, we can finally collapse and relax. Externally, this may come across as 'lazy'. I have had a few people in particular suggest that all I do is sit around all day staring at my phone, but what they don't see is the fact that I have been working my 'day job' (which is exhausting enough), and then I am writing 2,000 words of an evening. This is without the writing of all my social media content. A lot of this is done in the same position, so from the outside, looks as though I'm not doing a lot. What would you like me to do? Five star jumps; just to prove to you that I'm doing something?
As you may have guessed, extroversion is the opposite: recharging batteries from social interaction and being around other people.
Introversion that we are going to focus on today.
I am proud to be empathetic, however here are some reasons why I struggle being so empathetic.
1. Holding onto emotion
As I just said, empathy is the feeling and understanding other people's emotions as though they were your own, and that can be exhausting. This is because we have our own emotions, and also have the other person's to personally deal with; it's almost like keeping up with two timelines, which can take away from the present moment as we are considering how to process these emotions, or how to react or not react. Therefore — deep in thought — things can pass us by.
2. Seen as weak
With that in mind, because we are often deep in thought — and deep in our feelings — you may have noticed that it is not too dissimilar to being introverted.
Because we are often deep in our emotions, our quietness can be misconstrued as being absent-minded, when actually there is a lot on our mind (quite literally). Believe it or not, introverts or empaths do have a lot of opinions — they just spend more of their time listening, watching, and observing; ultimately, choosing their words carefully. What we do say is probably about 2% of what has gone through our head.
We are moving away from this narrative of it being weak, particularly in terms of business and relationships, but there is that feeling of a snigger behind our backs from those seen as 'less emotional'. Let me ask you this: is it really good to be less emotional? More on that in a future blog.
My answer to those that believe empaths are lesser people, is that they would soon snap up the insights and perspectives that we get from being generally quieter, and being more likely to sit with thoughts and observe. In that sense, we have to fight to be valued, fight to be seen, and our ideas not taking up by somebody with a supposedly louder voice.
3. There is a feeling of despair
I don't know about you, but I often get the feeling that we are living in a world it is full of nasty people, and it can feel difficult to remind ourselves that, in amongst the bad, there are also good people that want the best for you, and can appreciate you as much as you appreciate other people Increasingly, I get the feeling that I appreciate other people more than they perhaps appreciate me, but even as I write this sentence, I get a feeling that that is selfish and untrue. I have to keep reminding myself of that.
With this despair is the feeling that people will think they can take advantage of us, because we are seen as 'weak' or 'different'; because we are empathetic people, we tend to be more trusting.
I hate the fact that I have become more cynical, and perhaps secretive, due to the amount of times that I have been hurt emotionally; a lot of the time, just wanting the best for people.
In my experience, there is also a tendency to disregard ourselves and lean towards perfectionism, because our whole world becomes emotional and a lot to process. We want the best for people, and in that, we forget ourselves. So when we do actually spend time introspecting, it can be overwhelming. A lot of emotion has gone unregulated, and therefore can spill out into the external world.
You can begin to see how it quickly becomes complex if we are not self-aware enough to take a step back as and when necessary.
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